On the brink of... fear or tears
Have you ever been wound up with emotions that you don't know if you should cry or run away?
Have you ever had your head literally hurt so much, that it hurts to see?
Have you ever had butterflies in your stomach that make you want to throw up?
I can honestly say I have had those more than once in the last 24 hours and a combination of all of them together at once, while sitting in Newark airport. There I was, frustrated I couldn't get WiFi off their "free hot spot" WiFi, frustrated I couldn't message my clients, nervous and excited about my 4+ events coming up, upset my kids are both sick since being in North America, upset that I gained weight in NYC from eating shit food and not exercising nearly enough and just done with the packing stress. Overall ready to throw in the towel and say "F-THIS". Thank god for my 2017 word (find out below what it is) for not allowing this for me.
We arrived in Phoenix at our new condo around 7pm last night, and by 930pm we were having dinner (pizza). Yeah I know, super late but that's life. Yeah I know it's pizza and I just complained about gaining weight but walking into an empty house with no car ordering food is our only option, it was a survival moment. All this "unknown" was uncomfortable and fear was sinking in... FEAR! A word I promised to myself in 2017 I would not be. I made a commitment to myself to be FEARLESS this year and to allow my heart to push past FEAR!
I don't know if you knew this, but fear is a cheeky little devil. It has a funny way of sneaking in. It can invade your life 3 different ways.
- It has a physical way of giving you a head ache.
- It has an emotional way of making you cry.
- It has the spiritual way of making you self doubt yourself and speak negatively.
I'd say fear has hit me more times in the last 10 days than it has in the last 6 months! Why? I don't know, still discovering this. What I do know, is that coming to North America I am trying something boulder and NEW. I am stepping outside of my comfort zone, I am making myself more visible and vulnerable. All action steps that my head likes to fight!
Last night on the flight, I read an article on fear and how to look at it as a project manager. Analysis your risk VS your reward. WOW- what a huge eye opener.
- In the last 10 days my risk has never reached a 10/10. Not once was I going to loose my home and/or not cover our essentials. It's been more of a 4/10. It was all in my head. Composed of "What if they question me?" "What if they want to know my stats, analytics, results?" "What if they don't think I fit in with their culture?" What if - What if - What if..... all head games.
- My REWARD, if I DO risk it all and step outside is 10/10, future collaborations, future publicity, strength in numbers, strength in my alignment, focus in who I am and MORE AND MORE... 10/10 for sure.
In the end, looking at my numbers, clearly the risk is far less scary and the reward was FAR MORE exhilarating NOT to risk it all!!!!
While I was on the brink of fear or tears this past week, I received and connected with two great business women in different parts of USA that I'm excited to unite with and serve their communities with my heart center leading them. Obviously, someone was listening as I was pushing those fears aside and said "Kelsey you are ready".
Thank you 2017 word because clearly I'm ready to be LIMITLESS
- Have you ever had that moment, that one door opens and you fear the unknown but gather up the courage and take that first step in..... and then another door opens and another door OPENS?!?! Life changing eh?!
It plays out like this:
"Holy cow, I only said yes to 1 opportunity and LOOK now, I've got 3!!!!"
This is what it's like to overcome fear and this is WHY my 2017 word is FEARLESS.
As much as I'm on the brink of fear or tears, I'm also on the brink of something UNBELIEVABLE! (and you are too)