As we said goodbye..
I know I have been distant, I have been vague and have been asking for more time to accomplish tasks. I didn't want to create a scene or a blog about my loss but at the same time I built Alive around being a family and families share the ups and the downs.
On Monday after my family put our family dog to rest, I was again reminded of this and it was the support of like minded women that showed on Monday night when they consoled me after sweaty class (Thank you ladies!)
I thought I would give you a glimpse into my life over the last 72 hours because I want YOU to know ME, as Kelsey Davidson an Active Successful Woman, that has emotional and physical struggles!
This past Monday my family laid to rest a member of our family, yes he was a furry member but he was a solid member of our family. Harley was not "just a dog". He was my sons first and best friend and one he will always cherish. He was my daughters first baby and doll. My husband was his anchor, nearing the end Harley was becoming more attached to my husband and we discussed it but thought nothing much of it. He was my security blanket, he knew when I wasn't feeling good, he constantly followed me around and watched me, with big brown eyes, on the treadmill. We grew this large attachment to each other since my daughters birth in 2012.
My husband and I knew the event was coming, but still held hope that maybe, he would get better, maybe he would gain all the weight back, maybe his energy would miraculously appear, just maybe. As we were holding onto the "maybes" our dear Harley was suffering. Not keeping down any food and not having the energy to play, he was suffering. But of course, he would still run to stand his ground against any other dogs near my son (Harley always was on guard for my son). He protected us right til the end, and made us feel safe as he was in pain.
The day before he passed, we took Harley to an off leash park and my husband made this comment that will forever hold dear in my heart with this picture I captured. He said
Even as it pains me to type this, talk about it, or move forward and be strong, I have learned even more about life and about giving. This wasn't my first glimpse at death, I was stroking my Dads head when he breathed his last breath, I saw my Nana 24 hours before she crossed over, I have been apart many humans last days but never a dogs. And the difference is, with the humans I have witnessed, they were depleted, their bodies were there but not their minds. With this experience Harley taught me to love right until the end, he gave everything in the Good bye. I felt as if he was consoling me while I said my blubbering Good Byes.
He was still giving to me and that feeling and connection is what makes having a dog so great.
On Monday, we took Harley for our last walk and my son is very connected to lady bugs on a spiritual side. As we arrive home he spots one and it has 6 spots (Harley is 6 years old!). I become a mess, and he simply says "It's like Harley". It did give me some affirmation he was ready, and this was his way of telling us.
So, as we begin our journey minus Harley, we know as a family he is looking over us, we know as a family he was loved and he had fun! He came into our family as this ball of energy and left us with great memories of LOVE. We will miss him terribly. But as my daughter told me tonight, she can call Harley on the phone (her kitchen phone ;) ) and she told me "Harley told me he wants to come back, and I said he can't. I told him, he stays in the skies and I stay down here, for him to watch over me" I responded by saying "Well what is he doing" she happily replies "He's licking Granny". It gives us much peace that he is with Granny and Grandpa John.
We are forever grateful for the love and fun we had with Harley.